BAFTA Night
Wed, Feb 18th 2009, 10:36
The BAFTAs! On Jan 14th 2009 we really weren't expecting to be going to the BAFTAs three weeks later. But fate decreed it should be so. It was immediately clear from the nominees that we didn't have a chance of winning - up against Nick Park who has more gongs than a Chinese percussion factory.
However a strange alchemy takes place in your brain over three weeks where you start to believe that possibly maybe you'll win - even with your four minute experimental film up against two former BAFTA winners who’ve created 25 minute narratives. And with all the TV coverage extended over three channels BBC Three, Two then One, we thought there was a good chance all our friends and family might see us on the gogglebox too!
The night before the BAFTAs there was a nominee's party at Asprey's the jewellers on New Bond Street. We went with wives Lucy and Louise and sister Caroline (pictured above). Very swish, and slightly cramped in places, rubbing shoulders with the rich, the famous, the facelifts and the other 90% who like us were of no interest to the paparazzi and autograph chasers huddled out front. I spoke briefly to Nick Park congratulating him on his inevitable win. I should have spoken to Terry Gilliam. Saw Dev Patel, Sharon Stone and Mickey Rourke. Mickey was completely rock and roll, with his battered face, shades (even though it was night), Rolling Stones hair, shiny suit and, bless him, some very posh slippers with golden crests embroidered on the toe end.
The following day went by with this and that until the evening, when we got dressed up to the nines and got in a taxi and ordered the driver to take us to the BAFTAs. I think he was rather excited. We were dropped at the end of the very long red carpet and walked towards the Royal Opera House past the likes of Claudia Winkleman and various other celeb interviewers waiting for Brangelina.
Awards ceremonies are always rather tedious to watch on television, but sat in the stalls of the Royal Opera House, there as a nominee and surrounded by celebrities, it seemed like quite an event… although you do realise just how few people are actually celebrities. There were 1500 people attending – actors, directors, effects, production, PR, investors, blaggers, bloggers, gangsters (probably), and they even let in some writers and animators. Of those 1500 I probably recognised about 50 people max as celebs.
The moment came for our category – the third one announced (but not on TV – short films and short animation don’t count as real BAFTAs apparently – not that I’m bitter. Except I am. How long would that have taken to show? About five minutes out of their three hour BAFTA TV marathon. Ooo! But we don’t want to encourage new filmmakers or anything do we Mr BBC! No that might encourage innovation or new people to get involved. Whoa there! That’s dangerous talk. I think this digression has lasted long enough now - actually I don't. I could go on quite a lot longer. But. You know how I feel.)
A camera was duly shoved in my face to judge my reaction to winning or losing. It was a very intense moment indeed. For a split second I thought we could do it. And then they read out Wallace and Gromit. Of course they bloody did. I knew it when I first found out we’d been nominated. I’d just convinced myself it was possible in between. You have to keep smiling. Even though you’d probably smile anyway if there wasn’t a camera in your face. You’d just “not have to think” about smiling.
Afterwards we were shipped en masse to the Grosvenor House in coaches, which was an amusingly practical and unstylish way to get around. I sat watching the back of Armando Ianucci's head trying the think of something interesting to say to him other than - hello - I like your stuff. The dining room for 1500 people looked spectacular like something out of a 1930s gangster film. I was looking around to see if Robert de Niro was there holding a baseball bat. But no. As well as the majority of tables down on the main floor where all the big guns and the gangsters and molls sat there were a few tables up top around the balcony. You guessed it, that’s where they hide the short animation and short film people. Boo hiss.
This was where a slight glumness set in for a while. Inevitable since we’re borderline megalomaniacs. Also we now felt like we’d accidentally arrived at a large wedding where we didn’t know the bride or groom or many of their friends and family. A mix up with the tables meant we had to squeeze up and let a rather offensive PR guy and his plus one onto our already crammed table. He proceeded to tell us all about himself and how he had been to the BAFTAs loads of time and wasn’t he wonderful. Then we had to argue with the waiting staff about the vegetarian meal they’d buggered up for my wife. This all left a rather unpleasant aftertaste.
One brief reversal came when Sue Goffe and Marc Craste introduced themselves to us – fellow nominees in our category for the beautiful “Varmints”. I’d like to have spoken to them more, but we were a bit flummoxed by the whole occasion by this point. A party then followed on from the meal. I had to ask Stephen Daldry where everyone was going because I didn’t have a clue. He seemed very nice. I should have finished my film script, then I could have given that to him at the same time.
After watching pop band ‘The Feeling’ butcher ‘Walk This Way’ we knew it was time to call it a night. We returned to our hotel, tired, spun out, but still gloriously BAFTA nominated. It’s all rather bonkers, but still very interesting to have seen inside this exclusive club even if we didn’t quite feel part of it yet.
Finally a note on celebs. There was one moment in the evening where we saw Meryl Streep hug Penelope Cruz while both stood beside Daniel Craig. I wondered for a second if some kind of celebrity critical mass might be achieved, and an atomic explosion might destroy us all. But no! And so finally finally… here is the list of celebrities seen with our own ocular visual receptor organs.
Mickey Rourke, Stephen Daldry, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Goldie Hawn, Armando Ianucci, David Baddiel, Jonathan Ross, Jonathan Pryce, Ian McKellan, Kate Winslet, Simon Beaufoy, Patrick Stewart, Kylie Minogue, Mick Jagger, Daniel Craig, Emma Watson (Hermione), Sharon Stone, Steve McQueen, Ron Howard, Brendan Gleeson, Noel Clarke, David Frost, Michael Sheen, Danny Boyle, Dev Patel, Amy Adams, Terry Gilliam, Nick Park, David Sproxton (Aardman founder), Meryl Streep, Kirsten Scott Thomas, Michael G. Wilson (one of the Bond producers), Gemma Arterton, Penelope Cruz.
